1. Anything that can explode, will explode...
   • Corollary: and usually on Neville.
   • Theorem: The amount of debris hitting Neville is directly proportional to how harmful it is.
2. Anything that can bite will bite and be a pet of Hagrid.
3. How fond Hagrid is of a creature is directly proportional to how dangerous it is.
4. If there is no way a spell can cause damage it will anyway.
5. Owls travel faster when carrying howlers.
6. Quantization Revision of Longbottom's Laws: Every cauldron explodes at once.
7. Potter's Lemma: Following the rules will not get the world saved. (which leads to...)
8. Theorem: It is impossible to save the world without doing something that results in losing House Points.
9. If there is a way to break the rules without getting caught, Snape will show up.
10. It is impossible to eat any number of Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans without getting one disgusting one.
11. Potter's Observation: Getting what you want has consequences, usually involving mortal peril.
12. Granger's Observation: The answer is always something we haven't been taught yet.
    • Corollary: The only way to keep up is to stay ahead.
13. The Welcome Witch, doesn't.

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Murphy's laws
All the laws of Murphy in one place. Longbottom's Laws are a parody/HP version of Murphy's Laws